Thursday, February 18, 2010

Club d'échec

I fell asleep on the bus today on the way home.

I was sitting away at the back, between a big fat hoor and a wee nice man. The nice wee man had kind eyes and a thoughtful expression on his face. I didn't see the woman's face. She spoke English on her mobile the whole way. She was telling her mate about how good her presentation was. I hated her.

I fell asleep about two minutes after sitting down. I felt like I was asleep for hours. It was only for a few minutes. I was in that mad, waking dream state, where my thoughts ran incoherently into one another. You know the one. You can't hold onto a thought, and it slips away into another mad thought, then another, and another.

I fell asleep on a a Ryanair flight once from Frankfurt to Dublin. I think I screamed aloud several times in a high pitched yelp, 'cos I awoke with a start and everyone was looking at me.  I was hoping I didn't do the same on the bus. I have to take it every day. I couldn't be done with shaming myself in that manner.

I walk to work twice a week. I'm an awful awkward cunt. One day last week I tried to overtake a wee girl ahead of me, but when I got abreast of her, she kept walking at the same pace as me. I couldn't handle it, so I walked even faster. I didn't want to walk beside her.

A man told me to get off his seat once. I was sitting in the place reserved for pregnant women, old folks and the physically disabled. I was pretty tired. He was blind and had a dog. His dog looked blind too. It had blue eyes. He asked me to let him sit there. It was fair enough.

Some lads got on one day that looked like they were in a band. They all had effeminate voices. They came from out-of-town. They got off at my stop and went up to an apartment. I know where they live, or where their friends  live. They seemed a friendly bunch. They had star quality. This is true.

Last week I was walking in the cold without a hat, or gloves. The wind was so cold. It was mad, my forehead froze, and my hair and ears. When my ears thawed out, they hurt like fuck. I gnashed my teeth, such was the pain.

-Fuckin' cuntin' bastard fuck... fuckin' ow... ow... cunt

Tears of anger and discomfort came to my eyes. But I wasn't sad. I was suffering.

Don't play the fool. Wrap up warm in the winter if you are out walking in the cold. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Or do. I don't give a shite.

I'd do the same again I think. It was a good walk. It was right for me.

All of this is, and everything else I've ever written (except the owl story and a few other things), are true.

No comments:

Post a Comment