Bain libre

We went to the swimmers today.

I had my last day at work yesterday. I'm starting a new job on Monday. It gave me a mild thrill to get a new job, but it's ultimately meaningless. It's more important to go swimming regularly.

I fucking love swimming. It's my third favourite past-time. I like swimming in the sea best. Swimming in a river is good too. So is in a lake. Swimming in a pool is my least favourite place to swim. We had to go there today though. It was too cold for anywhere else. Babies can't swim in the cold.

Sarah loves swimming. She looks right at me, thinking "Don't get my face wet, ya cunt". I oblige. Last week I dunked her, and she didn't like it. Babies can swim real good. Everyone knows that.

Babies have no knees. This is a fact, I think. I heard it somewhere. No-one believes me. But I think it's true. They have no knees 'til they're a wee bit older.

This other wee boy was with his ma. He was 11 months old, called Oscar. The wee fucker shouted a lot and made Sarah cry. I splashed him and his ma and said "Control your fuckin' wean!". Sarah giggled as I chastised the pair.

"Fuck off", I muttered, as I dive-bombed them for good measure. Fuck off.

Sarah loves swimming. She kicks her legs as I move her about the water. In the summer we'll go to Ricardo's lake, and paddle in the shallow water. There's fish there, and a loon and herons. I fucking love it. I love swimming.

It is my duty to teach her how to swim. I relish it. I will teach her to be the best swimmer in her peer group.

I took off my trunks for a laugh once and swam in Ricardo's lake. I held my trunks above my head to make them laugh. They were drinking wine on the shore. I actually really enjoyed swimming with no trunks. It felt like flying. You should try it. It's very liberating.

Oscar's ma thought me boorish for my behaviour. She's not fucking wrong. I am a boor. The ANC have a song in South Africa called "Kill the Boer". Boor comes from Boer, which is Dutch for farmer.

Ricardo is Dutch. That hoor of a ma of Oscar better not try and kill me. I'll fucking get her first. Splash! That'll be me. Chlorine right in your fuckin' eyes, missus! Sarah and Tina will laugh. We will never be allowed in the pool again.

We'll retire to Ricardo's lake and swim there instead. Ricardo is Dutch. Good people. They live under water and have to learn to swim as babies. They have no knees.

Alright?