The Remove Passage at Greyfriars

I am fucking wrecked.

Being a da is hard work- don't let any cunt tell you otherwise.

It leads to lapses in concentration.

I was eating the other day, with a friend, and he had made some lentils with sausages. His ma made the sausages, so I was pretty eager to try them. There were two big bits of sausage in the lentils. He's a good cook, this chap. Mario is his name.

Because I'm a self-absorbed, childish cunt, I thought both were for me, so I ate the first one really quick, and it was lovely.

A wee bit later, I ate the second bit.

My mates goes, here, did you eat my bit of sausage?

I apparently did. But here's the thing- I couldn't remember doing it.

I could remember the first bit, it was so memorable. Unlike normal sausages, it was dryer and nicer.

But I can't remember the second.

I think it's due to sleep deprivation.

Still, I'm glad I got to eat both bits, if only to have deprived him from the enjoyment it would have brought him.

You see, these last few tired days, I only enjoy the satisfaction that retribution, violence or pain brings.

It's pretty good, actually.

Like a deranged batman, I've started to target the people who read the Montreal Mirror, and in particular, those whose lifestyle says to me "I am a cunt that reads the Montreal Mirror and finds it of interest".

It's fucking open season down my street.

Here's a wee example:

There was one fella today coming down the road wheeling a bike along the footpath.

Before he even opened his mouth I had the cunt pegged.

Fucking twat in a pair of braces, mad hair, brogues and t-shirt with "ALF" on it. I knew his type.

When he began to speak to his chum who was dootering along beside him on the road, his horrible English Canadian ironic monotone sealed his fate.

I fucked a chamber pit full of dog shite and sand at his head and knocked him out cold.

I got Sarah to punch him a few times while he was lying on the ground too (just wee digs, she's only wee).

We made a bit of a game out of it.

You have to keep it interesting for the wee ones.